Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I Kissed Anal Rape Goodbye

This is probably going to be a rant, so you can stop reading now if you're looking for an edifying read. I don't seem to know how to write any other way anymore. That's alright. I have no grand aspirations to be a writer. Why have a blog then, right? I don't know. Just to annoy myself, I suppose.

I will now speak of how my body ails me.

So I haven't been feeling too well lately. Lots of nausea and aching, dizziness and especially painful stomach discomfort/especially uncomfortable stomach pain, maux de tête, horrendous gas, and so much more!!!!!one!!!11!!!1

Today I went to the health clinic at school and was told that they don't accept walk-in patients after 11:30, so I could speak with a nurse or I could wait until tomorrow to see a doctor. I chose the former, nursely option, as I knew that if I went home I would not come back the next day. And I have an irrational [Or not. -- ed.] hatred of doctors. So the nurse saw me and we spoke of all and sundry and she told me that, if things aren't looking up by tomorrow, I should take a little stroll up the hill to the emergency room, as she feared I have an inflamed appendix, because of my symptoms [Enjoy them! -- ed.] and because it didn't hurt when she pushed down on my appendix area, but it hurt like a mudderbitch when she released her hand. So if I'm still feeling like crapola tomorrow I'll head over there to that-there 'merjinsee room.

That said, this is the song of the day:

The Groves of Lebanon by Appendix Out

He's singing Song of Songs. Or Canticle of Canticles. Or Song of Solomon. Or the Book Serving as Proof that Conservative Evangelicals Need Their Bibles Taken Away. Back in the day Christians interpreted that book as being about Mary and God. How weird and awesome is that?! Those folks...

This is the part where I as a middle-class white American male explain why feminists are doing it all wrong.

I read feminist blogs and feminist books and feminist articles by feminists from all over the feminist spectrum. Liberal feminism, ecofeminism, feminism by women of color, radical feminism, post-structuralist feminism, Marxist feminism, fun feminism, boring feminism, even some other ones that are neither fun nor boring. I don't really know why I do this. However, most of the time I find myself in agreement with the post-structuralists, women of color and Marxist feminists. They've got it going on. However, they're very often not the most boisterous of the various feminisms. More often than not it is the radical feminists who shout the loudest and get the most attention. How much of this is tied to the fact that radical feminists tend to be white middle-class women I can't say.

I find these white middle-class radical feminists to be very interesting. But before I get into that I'd like to say a word about conservative evangelicalism. Now, conservative evangelicals love to tell scary stories. Stories about people getting STDs from holding hands, stories about secret UN conspiracies, stories about people getting deep-fried in a lake of burning sulphur, stories about how the rhythms of devilish rock music gets your hips moving and makes you not be able to stop having sex with like everyone, stories about how meditation opens your mind up to the demons who turn you into a gay, exciting stories about the End of the World, stories about how listening to KISS will make you want to murder like everyone and have six hundred and sixty-six abortions, etc. These stories are really intricate, too. You can tell that these folks really delved into their satanic subjects and got the entire scoop. They want to know everything, and that in great detail. That's what I find so fascinating about the whole thing: conservative evangelicals are often totally and unhealthily obsessed with the thing they're supposed to be denouncing. They get off on those stories.

I got to thinking. I got to thinking, why, those sex-negative radical feminists are doing the same damn thing. Visit nearly any radical feminist blog and what is the topic up for discussion? Sex of course. All sex all the time at a radical feminist blog near you. That's all they talk about! In intricate and graphic detail, too, just like the evangelicals and their satanic things. For people who find that all sex is oppressive, they sure love talking about it. Scary stories of blowjobs, anal sex, rape, gang-bangs, porn, prostitution, and on and on, denounced over and over and over again, in scary amounts of graphic detail. This is obsession, on the reals. Middle-class white women getting off on horrific tales of forbidden sex. I find it all very disconcerting and pathetic. Soon the radical feminists will be putting together their own version of hell houses.

OK, that's all for now kids.


Anonymous said...

"it didn't hurt when she pushed down on my appendix area, but it hurt like a mudderbitch when she released her hand."

My mom, a nurse, says that if you have this symptom, that an emergency room visit is in order, even if it is not appendicitis. What you are describing is the feeling I had 15 hrs. before my appendix was removed. I felt so much better (no nausea or aching) after it was out of me... the awesome pain medicine helped too... oh, how I miss thee, oxycodone. Morphine before the surgery was awesome too.

Hope you feel better!

Matthew said...

Thanks for the info Rachel. I certainly love me some codeine.

I'm feeling not so horrid today, a bit achy but the stomach pain and the nausea is all but disappeared, so I don't think I'll be heading over to the emergency room today. I'll of course be on the lookout for the symptoms in the future and will go to the ER if they come back.

Hey, what's the address for your blog? I seem to have misplaced it...

mindy said...

So Matt, for all I know you posted this a million years ago, and aren't even thinking about it anymore, but I am reading it today, so it's all very fresh to me.

I would just like to say, you totally made my day. I went to your/Danica's blog because I knew I would be cheered up here, and I certainly was.

If you want to read about my feminist rage (which has nothing to do with radical feminists and everything to do with conservative evangelicals), you can check it out on my (brand new!) blog: http://mindybownehancock.blogspot.com/

Thanks for the refreshing post =)

Josh and I still miss you guys so much!!! You're super great.