Friday, August 24, 2007

So little animal passion

The other day Vald was bitten by a car while on his bike. I called The Black Hand to find out what he knew, which was that V. had a broken leg and stitches on his head. When Danica told me that he had been hit by a car I reacted the same way I have to any and all news that someone for whom I care is hurt. I got extremely angry. Not at anything in particular. Just everything.

When I talked to The Black Hand on the phone he told me that he can no longer drink coffee. He said it makes him feel like he's going to die. I told him that it takes me a couple pots to get to that state, but that it is indeed a terrible feeling. Once while baking bagels at work at four in the morning I drank too much coffee and convinced myself that I had AIDS. I usually drink a half pot of strong coffee a day. In the winter I drink more. The stronger the better. But I know my limits well by now. I stop myself well before I am going to die. That was the first time in over a year that I had spoken with TBH.

Today I drank very little coffee, a single cupful, thereabouts, and I have been feeling anxious all day. "There's an evil in this room." V. being hurt is surely partly to blame. I am angry he is hurt.

But I have been quick to anger for about a week now. I don't know what it is. Maybe lack of sleep. I am a tired therefore a cranky boy. In Montreal cars almost hit me very often. The drivers here are pieces of shit. Normally I do not let it under my skin. But lately I want to smash their skulls in. Instead I shout and show the drivers my middle fingers, proving to the world that Man is fully evolved.

When I was eating some pizza at a shop a Muslim girl wearing a hijab came in to eat lunch. She was a very pretty girl and I saw that the men working behind the counter noticed this as well. When she went to pay for her slice of pizza and Pepsi the man at the cash register told her to put her money away, that her meal was free of charge. She insisted on paying and became visibly upset when he would not let her pay for her food. That made me terribly angry, especially since this was the second time I'd seen him do this.

I've been fixing up our bike (a hideous snot-green Huffy road bike made in, I believe, 1974) the past few days. I took off the derailleur and the gear shifter and everything and put a BMX chain on the smallest gear (16 teeth), turning it into a single speed. I took the back brake off because I never use back brakes. I bought a cheap-o new saddle. I took off the fenders, in an attempt to make this heavy beast of a bike as light as possible. I still need to get a new front brake and a new handlebar would be swell as the one on there is terrible and weighty. I tried to true the wheels but they seem to be beyond repair at this point, so new wheels would be a good idea at some point in the future, especially since the front one wobbles like mad. The tires are showing some dry rot, too. It is a good bike, though. I like it. I hope Danica will ride it when it is all together. I'm good with my hands and I enjoy tinkering.

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