Friday, September 07, 2007

My illustrious career

These are all the jobs that I can remember having throughout my life, starting at age 13.
  1. Handed out fliers on a skateboard for a pizza shop.
  2. Worked at a daycare center until one of the kids told his grandmother that I hit him.
  3. Busser at a chain steakhouse.
  4. Bar-back at a playhouse.
  5. Catering at a civic center.
  6. Sold tickets at various Renaissance Festivals in Florida.
  7. Busser/host at a chain steakhouse.
  8. Janitor at a church.
  9. Reading tutor at an elementary school.
  10. Sold tickets at the Warped Tour a few times.
  11. Laid sod for a few summers.
  12. Counted cash in a trailer at a hot air balloon festival in Alabama.
  13. Made coffee at a chain bookstore.
  14. Piloted a glass-bottom boat in a state park.
  15. Sold merchandise for various Nickelodeon plays.
  16. Sat in a folding chair on a loading dock behind a university bookstore with a walkie-talkie.
  17. Dishwasher at an Italian restaurant.
  18. Baker at a bagel shop.
  19. Assistant manager at a different bagel shop.
  20. Door-to-door canvassing, trying to get people to send letters to their representatives regarding arsenic levels in drinking water and playground wood.
  21. Sold my plasma at $15 a pop.
  22. Made smoothies at a mall.
  23. One day of daily labor, picking shit up at a construction site.
  24. Sold magazines door-to-door for a week, for which I spent a couple nights in jail in Beverly, Massachusetts.
  25. Drove a bookmobile for a public library.
  26. Worked in a supermarket deli.
  27. Sous chef at a Thai restaurant.
  28. Library assistant at a public library.
  29. Stuffed packages with informational material for a seminary.
So there you have it. There are probably many more that I cannot remember. In case you were wondering, driving the bookmobile was the best job, and selling magazines was the worst.


Walter said...


1. what the hell is a "playhouse"?

2. Nickelodean plays?

3. job #16?

4. #27: I'm not sure about "sous". Is this a French word that I should be familiar with or is this a kind of Thai chef? The dictionary states that sous is a French, low-value coin, so I think that you might mean that you were paid especially low wages for cheffing (is this an acceptable verb?).

# 13 is the only job that I have in common, except that it may have been a different chain, but who gives a fuck when really it probably sucked for both of us.

Matthew said...

1. A playhouse is a performing arts venue. A house for plays.

2. Yeah, Gullah Gullah Island and stuff like that. I had some strange connections through working at the civic centre. I got to hang out with Nick Jr. roadies.

3. The university bookstore allowed the students to pre-order their textbooks, so that they didn't have to go searching through the stacks to find their books among the hordes of other students. So the bookstore put their books in separate bags and ordered them by name in a trailer at the loading dock, which is where I sat with my walkie-talkie. Every once in a while I'd have someone on the walkie-talkie tell me a name, I'd get their bag out of the trailer and bring it to the front of the store. 95% of the time I just sat there. A good job for me. I got a lot of reading done.

4. Sous means "under" in French, so a sous chef would be an under-chef, the second in command in the kitchen. Order the line cooks around, take over when the head chef wasn't there, make up specials, etc. As our head chef left for Thailand soon after I was hired, I was pretty much in charge of the kitchen. I'd never done that before so it was scary as shit at first, but I think I did pretty well.

Yeah, making coffee for those rich fucks at Borders sucked ass. I quit by writing "bye bye" on my name tag, putting it on the counter in front of a long line of customers and walking out with a fellow disgruntled worker.