Monday, August 11, 2008

Dumbasses

One of the main reasons why reading the Bible was often very boring to me was that, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I automatically assumed that the writers were idiots. Ignorant peasants and terrible writers. This applies to most of the books, although the assumption became most pointed when I read the "Gospels" – Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Added on top of all this is the fact that interpretations of all these books were given to me pretty much before I was even old enough to read them myself.

But I've changed my mind about the Gospels. I've realized that these interpretations that I had taken for granted are way more complicated and convoluted than they need to be.

Before when I would read the Gospels I would see Jesus doing ridiculous things like sending a demon into a herd of pigs and having those pigs drown in the ocean and I'd think, "OK, I'm supposed to believe this, but this shit's laughable." And I would assume that the writer was an ass if he thinks people are going to believe this (of course, there are idiots who do).

But the writers know all of this. They're not stupid. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John know they're telling funny stories, ripping off ideas from legends, magic tales of magic robes, etc. They know they're being funny, they're well aware of their sarcasm. And they want us to laugh. They're some witty bastards. I was the one being an idiot.

And you know why they're doing this? They're doing this because they're not writing history books. They're writing letters to people who are already Christians, who already know the story. They already believe that Jesus is the Messiah and all that. So in these letters the authors can play around with the story, can tell jokes, crude ones even, spin fantastical and magical tales of walking on water and calming storms. Whether or not they really happened is irrelevant. If we're questioning whether it really happened we're missing the point. We've missed the punch-line.

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Brief history of Christianity:

Jesus
: For my birthday my dad gave me an empty box and said it was a GI Joe deserter.
Christian: So you're saying our hearts need to be like empty boxes? I worship you, O Lord, O Trinitarian Triune Trinity.

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The Gospel writers were much better writers than we've been readers. We need to lighten up, learn to laugh a bit.

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